walking the narrow path

Sticking out like a sore thumb

2009-07-24T07:58:00.000Z

I recently read an article on polyamorists in the Sunday Age Magazine (Melbourne’s Sunday newspaper). Polyamorwhat? you say. Polyamory. The word comes from the Greek and Latin words poly and amor, which translates into “many loves”. Polyamory is basically having emotionally intimate and loving relationships with more than one person at a time with the consent of everyone involved.

The article included an interview with the actress Tilda Swinton (the White Witch in The Lion the King and the Wardrobe). Swinton talked about the polyamourous relationships she shares with her long time partner, and father of her twin kids, John Byrne and Sandro Kopp, a 30-year-old German-born New Zealander she met while filming Narnia.

I quote from the article, “The arrangement,” Swindon says, “is just so sane. John and I live here (in Scotland) with our children, and Sandro is sometimes here with us, and we travel the world together. We are all a family.” She goes on to say, “it may seem odd, but it certainly is the best thing for the children… It is a situation I find very healthy. I can maintain my life with my children and their father, and spend time with the man I’ve become very fond of. There has been a lot of understanding by the men.”

Several other polyamorous couples were interviewed in the article. One of them says, “Having several intimate relationships has benefits. There is a degree of love, care and connectedness in polyamorous relationships that I have never found in monogamous relationships.”

Another polyamorist is quoted as saying, “being poly relieves you of the crushing burden of having to be everything to somebody. You can be yourself and your partners can be themselves, and nobody has to try to be everything to everybody or worry about being traded in for someone better.”

Reading this article was yet another reminder of how different the world’s views and lifestyle choices are from the ones that I’ve formed from being a Christian. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. I cannot expect everyone to live the way I do because not everyone shares the framework of the Gospel that I have. Until my friends and family become Christians, there is no reason to expect or demand that they live by godly, Biblical principles.

I’ve had many reminders of how different my views are to the world this term at school. I’ve had the privilege of teaching Legal Studies to year 11 and year 12 students (16 to18-year-olds). One of the major topics we look at is Family Law. In it, we explore the different types of family arrangements under Australian Law (and let me tell you, compared to Singapore, there are many!). There’s de facto (which is essentially a ‘partnership’), blended, single-parent, indigenous, same-sex and of course, your traditional married husband and wife team. We also study laws relating to abortion, contraception, the legal age of consent and various other rights of a child. I’ve had many an interesting conversation with my students.

Jenny, a year 12 student in my Legal Studies class, interrupted class one day and randomly asked me, “Miss, is the Pill the best form of protection?”

I replied, “Well, the Pill would help in preventing unwanted pregnancies, but you’d probably want to use a condom too, cause that would protect you against STDs.”

Another student said, “Yeah, using the Pill together with a condom would be the best.”

Then I said, “Well, if you really want 100% certainty then I’d recommend abstinence.”

The entire class burst out laughing.

“MISS!!!” Jenny exclaimed, her eyes wide open in disbelief, “that’s SO old fashioned. No one practices that anymore!!”

To which I asked, “do they teach abstinence as a method of contraception in your P.E/Health Science classes?”

“No. Not at all Miss. They pretty much give us a condom and a banana and say ‘here, practice putting it on.”

Now I know the realities of this world and I know the struggles of sexual purity. I don’t expect these days that people will ‘wait’ till they get married. But for seventeen year olds to be sexually active?!! I work day in day out with teenagers and I know what they’re like. At seventeen, even eighteen, they’re not mature enough to deal with the emotional, physical and mental consequences of a sexual relationship. They’ll think they are, and they’ll argue that they are, but in reality, I’m not sure they’re ready.

It’s been almost 5 years since I made a conscious decision to follow Christ. Yes, I did grow up in a Christian home with a knowledge of God and Jesus and the Gospel. But it was only in my early 20s when I made the commitment to live as a Christian. Since then, so much has changed. My outlook on life is different, the way I choose to spend my time and money is different, the way I react to blessings (and sufferings) is different, the way I choose to indulge (or rather, not indulge) in alternative relationships or physically gratifying relationships is different. I’m a Christian now, and the Gospel has given me the framework to live my life.

I pray for the Tilda Swintons and Jennys around me. I don’t judge them and I don’t want to change them for the sake of change itself. If it weren’t for Christ, I’d live my life in exactly the same way as my dear friends. I want them to know the God I’ve come to know and love and the Gospel he has made so available to us. I want them to experience the peace and joy that comes from knowing Him.

Yes, the Christian life can be an uphill climb sometimes. But from personal experience it’s the only, if not the best, way to live.

Oh what a holiday!

2009-04-27T00:57:00.003Z

The past two weeks have been one of the most enjoyable holidays I’ve had. It was well deserved after Term 1 at school and it was extra special because my folks and Uncle William and Aunty Esther came to Sydney to visit me. ☺ Tomorrow I go back to work. But before I go back, I want to record every memory of the holiday so that I can relive the joy when the going gets tough. (And boy, do I know that it will!)

In some sort of chronology:

1. Went to Seafood by the Bay at Blackwattle Bay for graduation dinner. Ames joined us and we had a wonderful time. Fresh oysters, white wine, fish, chocolate pudding… DELICIOUS!!

2. Drove to the Hunter Valley, stayed on a farm. Had farm fresh eggs (like literally, fresh from the chicken) for brekkie every day. DELICIOUS!!

3. Rode in a hot air balloon on Easter Sunday. Got up at 4 in the morning, drove to the paddock, watched as they set up the balloon, was in the balloon by 6 and took off as the sun was rising. It was absolutely gorgeous! Marveled at God’s creation.

4. Jason Mraz concert. Jason. Mraz. Live. In. Concert. Need I say any more?? He was amazing!!! Absolutely blew me away. I can’t ever listen to his CDs again because it just wouldn’t measure up to him live. Jamie Cullum, Jason Mraz and Coldplay. The best concerts I’ve been to of all time.

5. Did some painting. The walls in the house got a little bare when Mandy moved out (she took her pictures with her) so I decided to tap into my creative side and pretty the walls up with my paintings.

This is ‘A Platypus: Indigenous Australian Art as interpreted by a Singaporean’

This is ‘I was lazy, so I painted daisies’

6. Went to Guys and Dolls the musical. Brilliant. Very entertaining, good acting, good stage production.

7. Went to the NRL game on ANZAC day. Thought it might be good ‘Australian’ experience. Thoroughly enjoyed it. The Roosters got flogged but still, the atmosphere was exhilarating.

8. In between all the above, caught up with friends here and there, which was great. Didn’t have much time to catch up with people during school term.

Tomorrow I’m going back to work for Term 2. It’s another 11 week term, so I’m bracing myself for the long haul. My goals for improvement this term:

1. Establish a solid homework routine for my Year 11 and 12 Legal Studies class.
2. Give out more detentions. Not because I’m sadistic, but to use it as an effective tool for managing my classes.
3. Establish a proper seating plan for that Year 10 class. Something tells me a seating plan wouldn’t work because the students will still yell over each other. But, I’ll try anyway.

Term 2, here I come!!

My holiday plans for after Term 2?

My flight to Melbourne is already booked. :P

What not to say to a teacher...

2009-04-21T01:11:00.000Z

“What do you do for work?”

“I’m a teacher.”

“Oh cool. Work shouldn’t be too hard then, you get all those holidays!”

I swear I’ll punch the next person who says that to me.

The greatest misconception anyone could have about teaching is the alleged luxury of our ‘numerous’ holidays. For anyone wondering about the life of a teacher, I hope this post is insightful.

6:15am
Alarm goes off. Begrudgingly roll out of bed, stumble into the shower, get dressed.

6:55am
Prepare breakfast in the kitchen. Rolled oats cooked over the stovetop.
While the stove is going, scamper around the kitchen packing lunch, usually leftovers from the night before.

7:05am
Carry breakfast and packed lunch up to my room. While having breakfast, potter around the room, making my bed, tidying up, putting on make up, getting my things together for work.

7:25am
Leave for work.

8:00am
Arrive at work.

Get ready for the day. Make copies of worksheets for students. Ideally, there should be a five to one ratio of teachers to photocopiers. In reality, it’s 14 to one. As Murphy’s Law would have it, just as I’m about to make copies, someone else will beat me to it. I end up waiting.

While waiting, I start admin work. Key in marks of tests, type up incident reports, keep accurate records of warning letters sent off to students, make sure my rolls are in order, sign off on topics that I’ve covered in class etc…

While doing admin, my Head of Department comes up to me.
“Sarah, remember that HSC folder I gave you? Is all the paper work in order? Do you have a minute? Lets go through it now.”

8:35am
Finally get to the copier. Start making copies. Half way through, paper runs out. Sprint to the front office, lug up a box of copy paper. Refill copier. Start getting anxious because class is about to start and my worksheets still aren’t in order.

Check watch, 25 minutes till the bell goes.

Perfect.

Enough time to mark those Geography tests.

9:00am
Bell rings.

Run to the English/Science staffroom which is at the other end of the school. Get my roll. Run to my roll call room.

By this time, the school is bustling with activity. There is a mass of students and teachers I have to weave through to get to where I need to go. Couples are hugging/kissing along the corridor. Students are sitting on the floor stretching their legs across the corridor. I carefully watch where I step, lest I trip on their outstretched legs. Boys are goofing around along the corridor, punching, kicking, flicking rubberbands at each other. Girls are huddling in their little cliques, catching up on gossip, complimenting each other on their makeup, newly dyed/straightened hair

“All of you, get to your roll call class now!”

“Yeah, Miss.”
Eyes rolled at me.

9:10am
Period One
Year 8 Geography
30 students - 23 boys, 7 girls

Students start streaming into class.

Student 1, “Miss, how was your weekend? Whaddya get up to?”

I ignore him.

Student 2, “G’day Miss! I forgot to bring my book today.”

Student 3 walks in drinking a bottle of juice.
“Emily, you know the school rules, you’re not allowed to drink that in class. Put it away.”

“Jordan, if you bounce that basketball one more time, I’m going to take it away.”

“James, I don’t want to see your iPod. Put it away now.”

10 minutes later…

I FINALLY manage to get them to settle down.

“All of you take a seat! Get your books out, get a pen out.”

While I’m giving instructions, I’m setting up the overhead projector with some notes for them to copy.

“I want all of you to get your pens out and start writing about East Timor. We’re comparing their education system with Australia.”

Student 4, “Miss I don’t have a pen.”
I take a pen from my pencil case, give it to him.

“Like I said, I want all of you to get your pens out and start writing about East Timor. We’re comparing their education system with Australia.”

Student 5 calls out, “Miss, why do we have to learn about East Timor? Why do I have to write about them? But I don’t want to learn about them!”

Student 6, “Miss, I don’t have a pen.”
I take a pen from my pencil case, give it to him.

Meanwhile, two boys at the back Jake and Sam start mucking around. They flick each other, shove and try to push each other off their chairs.

“Jake and Sam. I’m watching you. Stop what you’re doing. Take your books out. Take your pens out. Start writing.”

Student Sam, “Miss, I don’t have a pen. So I can’t write.”
I roll my eyes. Take a pen from my pencil case, give it to him.

Student 7, “Miss, what’s the date today?”

Student 8, “Miss, I don’t have a pen.”
I take a pen from my pencil case, give it to him.

It’s 9:30 and I still haven’t managed to teach anything. I sigh quietly to myself.

Eventually, the students slowly settle down, they copy what’s on the board, I explain a little about ‘Global Inequalities’. I talk about the difference in quality of life in a country like Australia and East Timor.

They work well for 5 minutes. Then the chatter starts again.

Cheeky student 9 asks, with a twinkle in his eye, “Miss, can I ask you a personal question?”

“No, you can’t.”

“I’m going to ask you any way. Miss, are you a virgin?”

The whole class bursts into laughter.

I roll my eyes, maintain a straight face and ignore him.

“Class, we are learning about Global Inequalities and doing a case study on East Timor. We are going to have a test in two weeks. I want to you study your notes.”

The lesson bumbles on.

10 minutes before the bell goes, at 9:50, I give out my reward stickers.

“Alright class, most of you are working well, I’m going to give out a sticker to the best student today.”

(I try to use a lot of positive encouragement and reinforcement in my class. I have a sticker chart at the front of the class. Student names are written on a big piece of cardboard. Stickers are stuck next to their name.)

Student 9, ”Miss, I think I deserve a sticker. I worked so well today!”
Student 10, “Oh Miss, I only have one sticker, I think I need one more.”
Student 11, “Miss, it’s not fair, I only have one sticker and Olivia has two. But I work so much better than her.”

This goes on for about 5 minutes.

“Okay class, I’ve decided. The student who deserves a sticker for his work today is……”
I drag the suspense to play it up. (Teaching involves a lot of clowning around.)

Student 12, “Me, Miss! Pick me!”
Student 13, “No way, look at how much better my work is than yours! You suck. Miss, pick me! Pick me!”

“Now the sticker goes to…. SPENCER!”

All the boys, “OHHHH, SPENCER. Spencer got a sticker, Spencer got a sticker.”
The banter carries on till the bell goes.

Bell goes. Students stream out of class.

I think to myself, first period over. Five more to go.

10am
Period two.

The day rolls along much like the first period. Some classes are better than others. In some classes, all the work gets done. In some, nothing much gets done. I do my best. I pat myself on the back for a good lesson, I don’t beat myself up over ‘bad’ lesson. That’s teaching. There are good days. There are bad days.

The thing I love about teaching is that it involves many skills. Your primary aim is to learn the subject matter, you need to come up with ideas on how to teach it - worksheets, questions, group work, games, powerpoint presentations. Equally important is to develop good people skills, relate well to students of all ages, work well with your colleagues, deal with the frustrations of bureaucracy. Teaching is essentially relational in nature. It’s all about relating well to people, be they your students or your colleagues.

Teaching is dynamic, it is diverse, it is multi-skilled. There is nothing quite like it.

I’m so glad I love what I do. It makes life a lot easier. But so help me God, if one more person says to me “Oh, you must enjoy all those holidays!” I swear, with what little strength my slight figure might have, I will kick that person squarely in their shins.

God is God and I am not.

2009-02-22T02:55:00.000Z

This post has been a long time in the making. It is a story about a series of coincidences that many might consider mere chance. But from the eyes of a humbled, saved sinner, it is a reminder of God’s sovereignty and providence.

This is my story.

When I completed my studies in October 2008, I was anxiously looking for a permanent teaching job to start in February 2009. I unfortunately missed a few potential jobs as I went back to Singapore in November for a three-week holiday. By the time I returned in early December, schools were closing for Christmas and no one was hiring. Panic set in when I realized I was going to be jobless for the whole of December and January. ‘Will I be able to pay rent? Will I go hungry? Will I ever find a job?’

For anyone who has been jobless before, you will know the emotional toll it takes on you. The insecurity you feel and the despair you experience as your self-esteem plummets. I sent out at least 20 applications to schools. I received at least 10 rejections and a handful of ‘we will call you for an interview in the new year’. It is an agonizing experience.

December passed rather slowly. Christmas came and went and the New Year arrived.

On the 2nd of January, a childcare agency called me out of the blue asking me if I wanted to do a one-week shift at a nearby childcare centre. I had previously worked for them but had not requested for any work recently. The call was completely unexpected and most definitely orchestrated by God.

I worked the one-week shift and after observing me for the first day, the childcare was so pleased with my work that they offered me casual work for the rest of January.

God answered prayers. He provided me with work for the whole of January.

In the last week of January, I received an email from Suzanne, a friend in Singapore. She used to be a student at UNSW in Sydney and attended a church close to university. While she was here, she developed a close friendship with her bible study leader and his wife. His wife Lucille works as a teacher at Eton Heights High School. She asked me to get in touch with Lucille to get advice on applying for high schools in Sydney and to talk about teaching in general. I called Lucille and it turned out that Eton Heights was looking for a Legal Studies teacher. I applied for the job, was invited for an interview, and three hours after the interview, they called saying I got the job.

God answered prayers. He provided me with work the moment my childcare job ended.

In February 2009 my current flatmate Mandy bought a one-bedroom apartment. That meant she was moving out of our house. I was in a dilemma. I couldn’t decide if I should move closer to Eton Heights or attempt to find someone to replace her. Moving closer to Eton Heights meant higher rent, but a shorter commute. It also meant arduously packing and moving and looking for somewhere suitable to stay. Something I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to do as I had just started a new job and was getting used to it.

Then randomly, one Sunday evening at church, a girl introduces Amy to me. Amy is from the UK and is doing a six (possibly 12) month stint in Sydney. Amy was looking for a place to stay. I asked her what her budget was for rent. The amount she quoted me was exactly half the rent of my current place.

Perfect.

That Sunday night, we decided that Amy would move into Mandy’s room.

God provides. He placed the right person at the right time, with the right amount of money for rent to move in.

That evening however, I had a mild panic attack. I realized that I had no furniture of my own, and when Mandy moves, she’ll take her furniture with her. That meant that Amy and I would be left without a washing machine, refrigerator, couches, television, dining table and microwave.

I prayed. I prayed that somehow, God would provide cheap second hand furniture that we could use.

Five minutes after I prayed, Mandy came home. She knocked on my door and said, “How cool is that? We managed to find Amy to move in! Oh, and another thing, I thought I might leave my washing machine here because my new place already has one. I won’t be needing the dining table either because my new place is too small for it. You guys can have the television too because I’m gonna buy a new plasma tv.”

Are you kidding me?

God answers prayers.

In November 2008, Shing, a good friend of mine asked me to ‘car sit’ for her for three months. She was going to be away for three months and wanted someone to drive her car. She trusted me with it. :)

Having Shing’s car was perfect as I began my new job at Eton Heights. The school is in a rather inaccessible part of town and hard to get to without a car. I decided that I was going to need a car of my own. Buying a car in Sydney was always something I intended to do since I arrived, but I never had any real need for it, until now.

Last weekend I bought a Mazda2 and the dealer told me that delivery would take three weeks. He couldn’t guarantee my car’s arrival before mid-March. They were out of stock and were waiting for a shipment to arrive from Japan.

I was slightly disappointed as I was hoping that I would have my car before I returned Shing’s. I didn’t want the hassle of commuting to Eton Heights. Doing so would mean waking up at 6am, walking 20 minutes to the train station, catching the train, and then a bus to the school.

I prayed. I prayed that somehow, God-willing, I would have a car to use after I returned Shing’s and before mine arrived.

On Friday, the Mazda dealer called with ‘extremely good news’. “Sarah!!! Your car arrived early in Sydney. We have it in storage, I’ll call you next week to arrange a pick up.”

Amazing.

God answered prayers yet again.

The day I intend to pick up my car next week, is the same day I pick Shing up from the airport.

The timing couldn’t be any better.

God has been so good to me. I can’t begin to express my thankfulness to Him. He has answered my every prayer, not with a ‘yes’ but with a ‘this, my child, is how I want your prayer answered.’

He has met my every need and blessed me with so much I don’t deserve. He is God, and I am not and with his help I will serve him all my days.

Marley and Me

2009-01-12T08:02:00.001Z

Just the other day I caught ‘Marley and Me’ at the movies and thoroughly enjoyed it. It was refreshing, fun and heartwarming. Perfect for a Friday night. While the focus of the movie is the undisciplined dog (Marley) who wrecks havoc in his owners’ lives, there were many other lessons to glean from it.

It was, to me, a very ‘un-Hollywood’ romantic movie - there was no glamourization of sex, no swearing, no romantic unrealistic ideas of love and no cheating husband. The movie captured the realities of family life, balancing work and leisure and raising kids to the extent that half way through the movie, I thought to myself ‘more people should watch and understand this – maybe less marriages will fall apart’.

At one point, Jenny (the wife, played by Jennifer Aniston) breaks down, completely overwhelmed with exhaustion and the enormity of raising two kids, the uncontrollable dog and managing the household. She yells at her husband John (Owen Wilson) and demands that he gets rid of Marley. He obliges by taking Marley to his mate’s house.

Once she had calmed down, however, and thought things through, they talk about it and she says, “I made a choice. I made a choice and I’m going to stick with it. Getting rid of Marley isn’t the solution. Getting rid of you (John) isn’t the solution. We made a choice, and we’re going to do it together”.

At that point, I thought to myself – that’s exactly what commitment is! They made a choice. And they’re making a choice to stick with it.

John’s hedonistic friend, Sebastian, plays the cynic who thinks John is better off leaving his wife.

“Is there no fight big enough that you will leave? No depression intense enough? No anger or emotion antagonistic enough that you will say bye to it all?” he asks John.

To which John replies, “No, no, no! So we had a fight. So what? I still love her. I love her and we’ll work it out.”

Brilliant!
He’s committed, faithful and willing to work it out.

If only more people lived their lives like that. Divorce rates might actually fall.

When Jenny has her second child she chooses to be a stay home mom. She couldn’t do both her job and be a mom well and says she’d rather choose her family over work. Now I’m not saying that being a stay home mom is the only way to raise children. What I find more important is her willingness and desire to make that selfless sacrifice to put her family first; at the expense of a job she loved so much. She understood that having kids meant putting their needs above her own.

I wish more parents understood that. Maybe there’d be less troubled kids at schools.

Marley and Me is the second good movie I’ve seen this year. In Good Company was the other. In that movie, Dennis Quaid’s character says on commitment (excuse the crassness) “you find a good fox to share your life in the foxhole. And when you’re outside the foxhole, you keep your dick in your pants.”

A tad crude, but oh so true!

I wish they’d make more movies like Marley and Me. It was wholesome, entertaining and reflected good values. Pop culture would do well with more of that.

A work in progress

2008-12-21T11:00:00.001Z

I’ve been contemplating 2009 and reflecting on 2008.

Where do I begin?

2008 has evoked a broad spectrum of emotions from me. I’ve spent nights crying myself to sleep for whatever reason. But I’ve also spent many a night falling asleep with a content smile on my face. 2008 has been good, but also difficult. It’s been a year of self-discovery and maturity. It’s been completely mine.

I finished my postgraduate education this year. I received a letter from uni with the heading “Re: Award of Master of Teaching”! (Yes!! FINALLY) How time has flown! I still remember, like yesterday, deciding where and which uni I should go to. Now, in a blink, I’m done! All done. Finally qualified as a teacher. It’s taken awhile to get to this point, had to make many difficult decisions, had to take many bold moves, but I’m here now. Nothings changed. I want to teach. I love teaching.

2008 has been a time of learning to trust God, especially on the job front. December is a bad time of the year to start looking for a job - schools are closed. I haven’t had any luck thus far and I’m starting to get anxious about whether I’ll be able to find work as a teacher.

Luke 12 says “And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you”.

I’m trying.

2008 is the first year in six years that I haven’t shared with a significant other. [It’s not that I’ve dated many guys. The relationships have just been long. WH (2002-2004) & E (2004-2007)]. I never thought I’d say this, but it’s been liberating!!

I’ve never had to grapple with contentment in singleness because I was already attached when I decisively committed my life to Christ. Until this year, at no point in my adult Christian life was I single.

I’ve learnt to trust God and to commit this aspect of my life to Him. I’ve realized that two people, who appear to be ‘suitable’ for each other, who work hard at committing to the relationship doesn’t equate to a lasting relationship. God is sovereign, and his plans are different to ours.

I’ve seen numerous Christian couples get married over the years, many of whom are dear friends of mine. Their lives and relationships have been such glorious testimonies of Christ. You simply cannot deny that God had ordained, right from the start, their destiny together. If God knew what he was doing with them, I completely trust that he knows what he’s doing with me.

This year of singleness has been liberating and assuring. I’ve never felt so free, so ‘able’ to do as I please, without consequence to another person. It has been my year to be ‘selfish’. I’ve had ‘me time’. I don’t know if I’ll ever marry (that’s for God to decide), but I know that until I’ve had my ‘me time’, I could never fully commit to anyone. Singleness has shown me that I am able and happy to have a life of my own. A boyfriend doesn’t complete me.

Ironically, my most intense moments of loneliness was not when I was single but when I was attached. There is nothing more alienating than being emotionally detached from the person you love.

2009 promises many new things - new job, new stage in life, new experiences. I’m glad 2008 is drawing to a close. I’ve learnt many lessons and have grown tremendously (in maturity, not height. Obviously! :P ). I don’t expect 2009 to be a bed of roses. It is yet another year, in the difficult, arduous journey called life. But I trust that my Creator is in control. Next year, like any other year will be one where He’ll mold me and prod me along, until the glorious day that I see Him face-to-face. 2009 brings me one year closer to that day.

Just because...

2008-12-04T05:31:00.003Z

On my recent trip back to Singapore I was rummaging through some old journals and pictures and I stumbled on this poem. I remember finding this poem online some years back, but for the life of me, can't remember who I had in mind when I read it. (Yeah, I know. Pathetic. Heh)

Anyways, for posterity, I'm going to post it. I remember this peom evoking strong emotions of cynical love for me. Heh. I'm not sure if things have changed, but I dare say I'm slightly more mature now. :)

Here goes...

Have you ever loved another,
Yet the lover had no care.
Has a tear escaped your eye,
Yet no more would even dare.

Does your heart melt with a glance
As you offer up a prayer
When you look into their heart
Does your heart yearn to be there?

Have you wanted him so badly
That your heart would start to bleed
Have you tried to say I love you,
Yet a voice would not proceed?

Don't lend your heart to love dear friend,
Let your tears fall like the rain
A healing heart will break again
And sadness will remain.

You'll ponder thoughts of real love
and wonder if they're true
Pity takes no place in life
Upon a heart so blue

Grand is love yet merciless
The price to pay is high
A choice to take of love or death
My heart would rather die

Never lend your heart to love,
You'll find my words are true
Don't doubt me friend for I should know
I fell in love with you.

Author unknown

A heart split in two

2008-11-24T17:01:00.003Z

I’m sitting on my bed, in Singapore, writing this post, feeling emotionally vulnerable and teary. Writing gives me comfort. Writing gives me release. I am sad because I am leaving Singapore to go back to Sydney in two days time. Leaving is always so hard to do.

Many times I question whether I’ve made the right decision to make Sydney my home, for now. So many people have asked me if I ever plan to move back to Singapore. Truth is, I don’t know. I’m not closed to that option and I readily would move back here if life so leads me back. But for now, I’ve chosen Sydney as my home. How long, I don’t know. Why Sydney over Singapore? I don’t know either. There’s an indescribable feeling, deep within me, a little voice in my heart, a little ‘prompting’, if you like, that’s edging me towards Sydney. I’m not ready to leave. I feel like I’ve started something there, a season of my life, maybe, and it needs to be finished, before I can leave.

Despite that, it still makes leaving Singapore hard. I’ve got so much here. My family, my friends, the past that I’ve had, the memories. Every time I walk through the departure gates at Changi, I leave a small portion of my heart here. If I do this often enough, what will be left of my heart?

As much as my parents are supportive of me being in Sydney, I know it’s hard for them to let go. Having both children in two different ends of the world is heart wrenching. My family doesn’t have the luxury of having a monthly family gathering. The last time all of us were in the same country, enjoying family time together, was two years ago. It’s not easy for mom and dad, but they unselfishly let us go any way, knowing that they can’t hang on forever, knowing that children do one day grow to become adults. I am grateful for that.

My tears are flowing freely as I write. My heart is slowly being sliced in two. This is one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make in awhile. I pray that God will be honoured in my decision, that His plans will prevail.

Come Wednesday, when I board the flight back to Sydney, I will fill my mind with happy thoughts of my future in Australia. I will think about the many exciting things that lie ahead – new job, new home, changes at church… But know that a part of me, a very special part of me, will always cling on to everything that I have in Singapore. I am who I am today, because of the life I’ve had here and the people that I know. You may take girl out of Singapore, but you’ll never take the Singapore out of her.

I thought it apt to end with a song, written by an amazing Singaporean singer/song-writer, who understands my struggle because she lives in Los Angeles, pursuing her dreams. This song has repeatedly brought tears to my eyes. I know exactly how she feels, and she’s penned it far more eloquently than I can.

Fly away – Corrinne May

“When will you be home?” she asks
as we watch the planes take off
We both know we have no clear answer to where my dreams may lead
She’s watched me as I crawled and stumbled
As a child, she was my world
And now to let me go, I know she bleeds
And yet she says to me

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I’ll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we’ll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

Autumn leaves fell into spring time and
Silver-painted hair
Daddy called one evening saying
“We need you. Please come back.”
When I saw her lying in her bed
Fragile as a child
Pale just like an angel taking flight
I held her as I cried

Get the tenth one free for every nine...

2008-09-30T04:02:00.002Z

Consumerism seems to have increased exponentially in recent times. Or maybe it’s just that I never bought into it and am now slowly realizing its insidious grasp. I recently acquired my sixth loyalty card. Loyalty what, you say? Yeah, loyalty card. You know, one of those ‘get a stamp for every coffee you buy and get the tenth one free’ cards. You heard me right. I now am a proud owner of six loyalty cards, all acquired in a span of six months. That’s one card a month!! If I keep this up I’ll have nine by the end of this year.

There’s my Easy Way Bubble Tea card. You seriously can’t expect me, a true blue Singaporean, to not have a bubble tea card can you? Those were so in mode back when platform shoes were fashion must-haves.

Then there’s my FlyBuys card. That’s a rewards card. I get points for every dollar I spend at Kmart, Coles, Target and a whole bunch of other shops. A girl needs food. I’m a loyal customer at Coles. They’re the Fresh Food People!!! (Oh wait, or is that Woolworth’s slogan??)

Then I’ve got my ‘discount’ cards. A Rebel Sport and Hybrid Sport one. I get 10% off on selected items or for every $50 I spend. That’s a lot of money to spend just to get 10% off don’t you think? I’m often faced with the dilemma, should I buy just one more top, or that pair of socks that I don’t really need, or new tennis racket grips because they’re a funky colour, just so I can bring my total amount to $50 so that I can get 10% off. Oh, those decisions are so hard to make!

Don’t forget my L’Occitane card. For every $50 I spend I get one stamp. When I accumulate ten stamps (that’s a total of $500 for the mathematically challenged), I’m eligible for VIP membership. That’s when I get 10% off all L’Occitane products. Work with me here - if I have to spend 500 bucks to get 10% off lets say a moisturizer that costs $60, I’ll end up saving $6 on the moisturizer. But given that I’ve already spent $500 to get the $6 savings in the first place, I’d have to buy 84 bottles of moisturizer before I’ve ‘earned’ back the $500. 84 bottles of moisturizer!@$?? I’d be dead before I even see the benefits of that 10%!

I wonder if this loyalty program works for friendship. I’ll hang out with you and listen to your sob stories over a cuppa. But on the tenth occasion, you’ll have to buy me coffee as a ‘reward’ for my listening.

Or dishes.

I’ll do the dishes at home for ten days, after which my flatmate has to buy me something nice. ☺

Or exams.

If I pass nine exams with a High Distinction, I’ll get my tenth HD without having to take the actual exam.

Or better yet - dating.

I’ll go out with you nine times (as a favour of course) but on the tenth occasion you have to set me up with your cute friend that I’m actually interested in but couldn’t go out with until I went out with you nine times. Hmm…

I’m no genius (though sometimes I like to think I am) but something tells me this loyalty program isn’t going to work for friendship, exams or dishes. I’ll have to think of another way to sustain my friendships, score my HDs and trick my flatmate into doing my share of the dishes. Heehee…

Before I get to that however I’m going shopping (where I will no doubt acquire another loyalty card) to buy myself a new wallet.

I need somewhere to store my loyalty cards!!

A Walk to Beautiful

2008-09-08T11:43:00.001Z

The other day I had the chance to watch an African documentary titled “A Walk to Beautiful” as part of the African Film Festival in Sydney. The documentary highlighted the difficulties millions of African girls face in childbirth due to the lack of medical services and poor practices. Many of these girls end up giving birth to still born babies after experiencing up to ten days of labour. The stress of their labour often damages their bladders subjecting them to a lifetime of incontinence and stigma. The documentary highlighted the work done at the Fistula Hospital in Ethiopia. The girls who are lucky enough to make it to the hospital stand a 93% chance of being cured after surgery. To this day, there are still one to two million women suffering from obstetric fistula.

Needless to say, I was in tears by the end of the documentary.

The constant question plaguing my mind was ‘Why? Why do these poor women have to suffer? Why do people in the west have such easy access to medical services and not Africa? Why would anyone want to perform female genital mutilation on their daughter? Why does God allow such inhuman practices in His created world? Why, Lord?’

One of the hardest things I find to reconcile is the inequality that exists in the world. I’m constantly at turmoil with the bountiful material blessings I have in my life and the awareness that, in so many parts of the world, there are people who have not only nothing but have immense suffering too. There always is a deep aching and sorrow in my heart when I watch documentaries like A Walk to Beautiful. How does one reconcile the inequalities in the world?

I often try turn to prayer, trusting that God knows what he’s doing and that he’s in control. But almost always, I don’t know how to pray. There is so much suffering in the world, so much injustice, so much brokenness, so much turmoil, if one were to pray, where and how would one even start?

I bought a jacket that cost $120 the other day. It’s a very pretty jacket. I really wanted it. I knew my conscience would come back and haunt me for buying it. A part of me knows that in and of itself the act of buying a jacket that costs $120 isn’t wrong. (The price of a jacket is relative. Compared to many other jackets, $120 is nothing. But that is a debate best left for another day). If you’ve got the money, and if you’re a good steward of it, buy the jacket. It is not wrong.

The other side of me however, struggles with the thought of the poor African person living in the other end of the world with no money. How much would my $120 have done for him?

I need to be a good steward of my material blessings. We all do. But where and how do we draw the line? Is there a “cap” to the amount a person should spend on a jacket? When is too much, too much? How many jackets should I own in the first place? Do I need so many bags? How many shoes is the “right” number? Is buying expensive jewelry wrong? What about buying many “cheap” jewelry?

I don’t know.

Every time I encounter someone else’s story of suffering I always promise myself that I will never complain again. I make a promise to use my money wisely. To only buy things that I need. To not waste. To be generous. To live simply. Unfortunately, all these promises have time and time again been broken.

There is no easy answer. When I see God in Heaven I will ask Him for answers. In all the sufferings of the world, there is only one certain hope that anyone can have – the hope of eternal life in a perfect world when Jesus comes again. The hope that is achieved through Jesus’ death on the cross.

I may not be able to make sense of the fallen world around me. But I can make sense of what is told to me in the Bible. And it is only through this hope that I can live, because without it, life really wouldn’t be worth living.

I will end this post with a passage from the Bible. This passage has helped me and many others get through this difficult journey called life.

Romans 8: 18-30

18I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

22We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

Snowboarding vs wakeboarding: A lesson in perseverance (and discipline) Part II

2008-07-20T03:42:00.000Z

This winter I had the privilege of going to the snow again. This time I spent a whole week snowboarding, compared to the two days last year. I also went for lessons. Can I just say OMGOSH!! I LOVE SNOWBOARDING!?##$@!! :-)

My snowboarding ability is now at a point where I can enjoy doing runs without falling unnecessarily while controlling my turns and my direction. Last year I could only go down the mountain ‘heel side falling leaf’. This year, I can go down the mountain heel and toe side falling leaf and turn from toe-to-heel both goofy and fakie. Heehee… (I’m learning the snowboarding lingo).

I love snowboarding!!!

If there’s going to be one indulgence in my life I think it will be trips to the snow every ski season.

There are various reasons why I enjoyed myself so much more this year. Firstly, I’m in a much better physical, emotional and mental state this year than last. After my snowboarding trip last year I said I’d train up for my next trip to the snow (see July 2007 post). So, true to my word I went running 2-3 times a week in the month leading up to my 2008 trip. I did stairs, push ups, sit ups, ate vitamins and had a high protein diet. The efforts paid off.

Sorry wakeboarding, snowboarding has just surpassed you in enjoyment and priority. Next year, God willing, I’ll go to the snow again. My 2009 goal – Learn how to turn heel-to-toe fakie then learn how to jump!!!

No mangled and maimed body this year. Just happy memories and a smile on my face.

Treasure of Jesus

2008-07-08T05:36:00.000Z

A couple of days ago I managed to spontaneously catch a friend for dinner. Over dinner we had a (non-belligerent) debate about whether there was such a thing as a ‘closet Christian’. Basically, whether a person could be Christian and ‘closet’ about it.

We both agreed that there was no such thing as a ‘closet Christian’.

The underlying reasoning was that if you were Christian and trying to live out the Christian life, it was impossible to be ‘closet’ about it. The Gospel message demands that we go forth and tell people about Christ and also that we actively live out the Christian life for all to see.

When I was 17, I had a bookmark with a cartoon of a courtroom with an angry looking judge and a guilty-faced criminal. At the bottom of the bookmark was the question – If you were charged in court for being Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?

If I were being entirely honest, had someone posed that question to me during my rebellious teenage years, the answer would be a resounding no. There wouldn’t be enough evidence to convict me for being Christian. I’d like to think things are different now. I am by no means perfect (though, in my sinfulness I often like to think I am), but I can genuinely say I’m trying to live in response to the Gospel message I’ve grown to love over the years.

In my short life thus far, I’ve been blessed to have suffered very little. I also haven’t been grievously persecuted for being Christian. A constant worry is that should the day come, and I’m sure it will, where I face suffering or persecution, will I still call God my God?

I hope I will.

I’d like to end this post with a song I’ve been listening to and thinking about. It reflects a verse from my favourite book in the Bible – Philippians. Chapter one, verse 21 says ‘for to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain’.

Treasure of Jesus
Steven Curtis Chapman

What can I do?
How can I live?
To show my world
The treasure of Jesus

What will it take?
What could I give?
So they can know
The treasure He is

And if I can sing,
Let my songs
Be full of His glory
If I can speak
Let my words be full of His grace
And if I should live or die
Let me be found
Pursuing this prize
The One that alone satisfies
The treasure of Jesus

Changing perceptions of a sinner

2008-06-12T01:40:00.003Z

Just the other day, in the midst of housework, I decided to listen to an old favourite CD from my teens – Firehouse’s “Good Acoustics”. I loved that CD so much I remember writing an essay for my mid-year English exam justifying why “I live my live for you” is the best song ever. (Not that this matters, but I got second highest in class for that essay. :P )

It’s funny how different things are ten years on. One of the songs on the CD is titled “Love Don’t Care”. When I was in my mid-teens, I never thought about song lyrics or what they meant. I simply enjoyed the songs as is. The lyrics to this song struck me in a whole new light as I listened to it again, this time in my mid-20s.

The argument running through the song was that love don’t care who you love, so long as it feels right and makes you happy and if you don’t hurt anyone in the process of loving someone. (I’ve copied and pasted the song lyrics at the end of this post for reference).

I agree yet disagree with the song. Allow me to explain.

Yes, I think love, in the context of friendship, shouldn’t care about race, colour, status, background, gender or any other factor that would differentiate us as humans. Humanity consists of a kaleidoscope of people, we are all different, but yet all so human.

However, love, in the context of marriage and boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are different. The two things that should separate people in this context are gender and religion. I believe there are absolutes in this world. There is absolute right and absolute wrong. There is an absolute God.

This absolute God states out very clearly in His Word – the Bible – that homosexuality is wrong. He also says that if you call him God and Lord, you ought to only marry (and by implication therefore, date) a person (of the opposite sex) who also calls this absolute God, Lord.

My opinions may be considered archaic, conservative and discriminatory in today’s postmodern society. Regardless, I stand my ground. According to the Bible, same sex relationships are wrong and Christians shouldn’t marry (and date) non-Christians.

Lest I get abused for my views, allow me to take my argument to another level.

I have gay friends. I also have friends who are in ‘inter-religious’ relationships. At no point would I ever Bible-bash my friends into accepting and adopting my opinion. These are my views that I subscribe to because I strive to live in obedience to what God says in the Bible. It would be unreasonable on my part to expect anyone to follow what the Bible says if God isn’t their God. A person can only live by what they believe to be true.

I would never stop loving my gay friends or my ‘inter-religious’ relationship friends. I may not always agree with what they do, but I hope friendship will always prevail. At no point would I judge my friends for their actions. If one understands the Christian message, one would know we’re all equally undeserving sinners, saved by grace.

My loving prayer for all my non-Christian friends and family, gay, straight or bisexual, is that one day they may come to know Christ and make an active choice to follow Him. But until that day happens, God willing, if it ever does, I cannot and will not expect that they live as I do. That wouldn’t be fair to them.

Isn’t it funny? As a 15 year old I’d never thought I’d string such an argument about a silly song ten years on. My, how things have changed!!

Firehouse - Love Don’t Care

Little girl, face all black and blue
But she knows better
That's not the way a man should treat you
But that's ok, she'll change her life tonight
She's leaving him
For a woman who will treat her right

And everybody needs somebody
She could be with anybody
Doesn't matter if it's not another man

Chorus:
Because love don't care who you love
I said love don't care who you love
If you ain't hurting anybody
And if you feel it deep inside
Then love don't care who you love
Don't care who you love

Little girl, she's no sister, she is white
But she loves a brother
Takin' him home to meet her folks tonight
Mom and dad don't understand
We're all the same inside
They just don't realize
That love is always colorblind

And everybody needs somebody
You can be with anybody
It's not the color that makes the man

Because love don't care who you love
I said love don't care who you love
Don't let anybody tell you
That it's wrong if it feels right
'Cuz love don't care who you love
Love don't care

And everybody needs somebody
You can be with anybody
So love someone who makes you happy

Struggles of a sinner

2008-05-29T06:42:00.002Z

The world doesn't revolve around me.
I'd like to think it does.
But I know it doesn't.

All the turmoil in the world.
All the destruction.
All the unrest.

Why am I spared?
Why am I happy?

When others feel like they have no hope.

Why all the injustice?

I feel guilty for all I have.
Yet I know that it's not my fault.
Should I deny myself pleasure because others are suffering?
I hope to never take what I have for granted.
Never.

I'm grateful. Thankful. Overwhelmed.

I hope to cling to what's important.

One day I'll go home and be with my Saviour. But for now I'm happy this side of heaven. It's not always easy, but for the most part, God has been good.

People need the Lord.
People need the Lord.

I am blessed.

2008-05-12T08:35:00.004Z

I am blessed to be alive.
To wake up each morning to a brand new day.

I am blessed to have parents.
Parents who love me unconditionally.
Who are unwavering in their support of my endless endeavours.

I am blessed for all the material comfort I have.
Every. Material. Comfort.

I am blessed with friends.
Friends who love and care for me.
Friends who share their lives with me

I am blessed with an education.
One that equips me for gainful employment.

I am blessed to experience Autumn in Sydney.
When leaves on trees turn brown.
When everything has a tinge of red and orange.

I am blessed with so many things I don't deserve.

Most of all,

I am blessed with Jesus' death and resurrection.

I am blessed with eternal life.

I am blessed by God.

I am blessed with so many things I don't deserve.

Looking forward to death??

2008-02-25T23:58:00.000Z

It’s been awhile since I last blogged. Blogging is a commitment. It’s that active choice to force yourself to sit down, to be with your thoughts, and write something coherent and interesting enough that people would want to read it. So here I am, trying to resume my habit of writing. Well, I never really stopped writing, I’ve always had my diary, but “public” writing and “private” writing are two very different things.

Something struck me and I think it’s worth recounting here. Rob Smith spoke in church on Sunday and his sermon was titled “The Two Eternal Destinies”. I was incredibly encouraged by the sermon because it was a great reminder of the reality of heaven and hell.

As a Christian, I do believe that heaven and hell exist. I also believe what is told to me in the Bible - that people who believe in Jesus will go to heaven and people who don’t will go to hell. It’s a hard message to swallow, but it also very liberating.

The assurance of heaven gives me the freedom to live my life without fear of death and it gives me great joy and hope to know that upon death, I’m going to a far better place than I can imagine. This may sound silly but I’m going to say it anyway. Despite being incredibly happy and content with my life at the moment [and having no plans to die any time soon (haha)], I’m even more excited about the prospect of one day dying and going to heaven, where I will see my maker and my Lord. :)

It’s funny, hey? I’ve been back in Sydney for over 2 weeks now and of all the things I could have updated on my blog I’ve chosen to talk about death. There have been some significant moments in my life where I’ve yearned for death because “life sucks” or “the world is a crappy place” or “there isn’t anything worth living for” or “I just don’t want to be a part of the world anymore’. But things have changed. I love life now because there is much to offer. I do believe God has a purpose for me, and for everyone else, while we’re on this earth. And while I eagerly wait to go to heaven, I’m also happy to live my life to the fullest in the ‘now but not yet’.

To my friends, if you’re reading this, I hope you take the time to think about life (and the after life) and explore what Christianity has to offer. :)

I miss Singapore (-an food, haha) and I really, really miss my friends and family back home. If you’re reading this, do keep in touch and know that you’re in my thoughts. I’ve finally gotten a Facebook account so that’s another avenue to keep in touch!

Snowboarding vs. Wakeboarding, a lesson in perseverance

2007-07-29T14:32:00.000Z

This weekend I had the privilege of road tripping-ish down to Jindabyne, 6 hours out of Sydney, to snowboard! YAY! Went with Chooi (her name is pronounced CHEWY haha, and you thought my name was, ehem, unusual) my favourite Malaysian Aussie and Paul, the dead-pan Brazillian dude from me church, and a bunch of Chooi's other friends.

Snowboarding was good fun. The resort was decent, not as pretty as Lake Tahoe in the States (where I went with Cari coupla years ago) but the snow was better. The views were much better in Tahoe than Jindabyne, I felt, but then again, Australia is a different country with its own unique landscape. Didn't take a single picture at Jindabyne, much as I love pictures, as I didn't want to carry my camera around while snowboarding. Paul took some pictures but I'm too lazy to get them from him haha.

Snowboarding is physically exhausting!! I kid you not!! Especially if you're as unfit and inflexible as I am!! After two days of boarding I feel like I've been stuffed in a human sized washing machine, cold washed, spun round, yanked out and wrung dry. Can't remember the last time I was physically this spent.

If I were to choose between snowboarding and wakeboarding, at this point, I'd pick wakeboarding. Probably because I'm better at it. But also because you feel more in control as you have the handle bar to hold on to and a lot of the hard work is done by the boat.

Snowboarding/skiing's a chore as you have to painstakingly line up for the ski lift, dangerously manoeuvre yourself off the ski lift trying not to fall, will your body and board to glide to a suitable start off point, plonk yourself on the snow to secure your free boot to the board, maintain your balance while trying to stand, "bounce" the board forward to pick up speed, then, and only then, are you able to snowboard down the slope. And if, you're on a beginner slope, like I was, the run will be annoyingly short. Before you know it, you'd be at the bottom of the slope, done with the run, having to start the arduous process all over again. Once I got better at it I tried to maximize my run by moving to the far left and far right of the slope (as opposed to going straight down) just so I could stay on the run a little longer. Heh. Clever eh? :P

Of course, when you do that, you don't go as fast, but you fall less too me thinks.

By the end of the first day I was utterly pushed to my physical limit. On the second day, I had to force myself to stop boarding at midday, though my mind and will were rearing to go on. My left hand was getting a tad mangled from falling heavily on it and preserving my left hand is rather important. Heh. Can't play me piano without a left hand. Can't do a whole lot of other stuff either.

Next season, if I get the chance to go again, I'm going to train before going. Haha. How I do not know, but some form of physical endurance just to last a bit longer in the snow. That way I can board for a few more days and perhaps master some tricks. Haha.

Now though, is the time for me to gingerly tuck my maimed body into bed, content with the two days I had in the snow and grateful to God for the chance to enjoy his creation.

O what a holiday!!

2007-07-07T06:15:00.000Z

Allow me to apologise for not updating my blog the past few weeks. I was on (a much deserved, heh) holiday in New Zealand for three weeks. In case you were wondering, I had a FANTASTIC time. YAY! :) Here's the low-down on my trip. I'm doing this more for my sake to preserve my memories of the holiday. But I'm sure some of you would enjoy the pictures nonetheless.

Here goes!

Muriwai Beach. Enjoying the scenery and catching up!

Hanging out at Jackson's place making Bachang!

Tramping with Julz. Heh. Check out his pippy long stockings outfit!

The boys posing

The ARPC (+1) reunion church band. We played/sang on a Sunday service at Elliot's dad's church.

Driving down towards Wellington with Elliot's CF friends. That's us with (sa)RAH and Jack\

Driving off into the mountains. Check out the gorgeous mountains!

Hanging out with the girls at TSCF conference. Praise God for the wonderful time we had with other Christians from all over NZ. There's Annabe, Nicole, Felicity, Peta-Marie and Ana!

Huka Falls. Spent two days with CFers at Lake Taupo where they had wonderful hot springs! Just what we needed as the weather was ccooollldddd..

Kate posing to look like the bear on the poster on the wall. Heh.

I've saved the most special for last. The Shudalls. Thank God for their hospitality. Thanks guys :) Thanks Ines for cleaning up after me.. It was a pleasure spending time with you and getting to know you better. Till we meet again....

Thank God for the chance to go to NZ. Thank God for time spent together and many precious memories. Happy thoughts will fill my mind for a while yet. :)

Its just a rock you goose!!

2007-06-09T07:46:00.001Z

Yesterday I watched Blood Diamond starring Leo Di and Jennifer Connelly. I must say Leo Di is a good actor. I was rather impressed.

The movie made me think about the diamond trade. For those who haven't watched it, its basically about how rebels in Sierra Leone violently exploit poor villagers to mine diamonds, only to smuggle them to Liberia in exchange for huge sums of money to fund their rebel cause. The movie portrayed the violent fighting between government forces and rebel groups and highlighted the atrocities carried out by the rebel groups - recruiting child soliders, raping women and girls, chopping off hands...

At one point in the movie Leo Di remarks "sometimes I wonder if God will ever forgive us for what we have done to each other. Then I look around [the continent Africa] and realise God left this place long ago".

Africa is a continent plagued with problems. Genocide in Rwanda, civil war in Darfur, major unrest in Somalia, where they haven't had a government for the past 16 years, child soldiers, female genital mutilation, famine, drought, the list goes on... Its not hard to question the existence of God when you look at the horror that goes on in Africa.

It seems like a lame response to argue that God DOES exist and God DOES care even though it doesn't seem like it and he IS in control even when things go wrong. God is God and he know's what he's doing. He is sovereign over everything that happens in the world, and I know this to be true because of what he tells us in his Word. It's a circular argument isn't it. How do we know God is true? Because he says so. How do we know that what he says is true? Because he is God.

I don't know how else to put it and I don't know how to convince anyone else to believe what I know to be true. God's sovereignty is one of the hardest concepts for me to explain and understand.

That aside, the one major thing that the movie made me determined to do is to not ever buy diamonds again. Never ever!

I'm saying this for all to read. I don't ever want to buy diamonds. My parents have bought me a diamond ring, I've bought myself a (VERY small) diamond, and an ex boyfriend has bought me diamonds. All that's done and that chapter of my life is closed. No more diamonds for me. Even if they're from conflict free zones.

I don't want to own something so "precious" if its caused so much suffering for others around the world. I don't want to be a consumer to add to the demand of such a "precious" commodity. I don't need it.

We're all going to die. "Diamonded" or "diamondless".

God promises us treasures in heaven that will never be destroyed if we serve him all our days. That's more precious to me than any diamond I could own. (Matt 6:19,20)

I wonder how many people I can convince to not buy diamonds.

Some lovely people from church!

2007-05-27T01:51:00.000Z

There are so many things I want to share with my friends back home about my life here. So many experiences and stories and "life" in general that I wish everyone back home could be a part of. I feel like I've lived in two "worlds". Now I'm so happy and comfortable in Sydney that I can truly call it home. When I go back to Singapore during my summer holidays I'll be going home. But yet, I'll be missing my other (newer) home and the people and friends I have here. Praise God for how I've adapted and assimilate so well! :)

Last week Jess, Helen and myself went to morning service at St Andrew's Cathedral to experience a high order Anglican service. It was AWESOME. The speaker Phillip Jensen was great (he ususally is) but the whole experience of the service was enjoyable too. It was a Holy Communion service so it was full of rituals. We had to read from the liturgy book (I think that's what its called) and there were cute choir boys wearing robes haha! Their voices hadn't broken yet, so they could reach higher notes than I can (haha) and and and, instead of having a band they use the organ for accompaniment. Like not the organs we have in Singapore but the huge church type pipe organs that make "Phantom of the Opera" sounds. It was cool!

I can see why some people enjoy going to such services cos it feels very "holy" and going through the rituals make you feel like you're "getting closer to God". But of course, its none of that which saves us and nothing that we've done that makes us right with God. Thank God Jesus did all that for us!

But anyways, the service was such a delight that we're going to go one a month just for fun. Haha.

To add to my already joyous Sunday, we (Jess, Helen and Daniel) went for CHINESE lunch after church! I had CHICKEN RICE!! YAY! And if that wasn't enough we three girls went factory outlet shopping after that just before we went to regular TBT church. Life doesn't get any better than that does it? haha.

(Its easy to forget that I'm actually a full time post grad student. Heh. I'm not actually doing much work. But I'm passing so THERE!!)

Yesterday I hung out with Chew Chern. We cuddled up (not, you know, each other) on the sofa and watched Dreamgirls. Then we had fried eggs for supper. haha. Simple things please simple minds. :)

I'm so thankful there are snippets, or rather, huge chunks of joy, in my life to keep me going. The week that just ended was an emotionally difficult week for various reasons, but we should always count it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds for the testing of our faith produces perseverence. And that is good so that we may be perfect and lacking nothing when Jesus comes again! YAY!

I shall end this posting with pictures!!

Jess and myself waiting outside church for Helen to come. It was a lovely sunny day!

Helen and myself at the chinese restaurant. We're going to go dragon boating in a few weeks hopefully!

Dan and Jess and the chinese restaurant. Kudos to Dan for being adventurous enough to eat pig innards during lunch! haha

Jess looking wierd on the bus on the way to shopping. haha. DUH!

Shumin and myself!! Its such a pleasure to see people from home. Especially when they've brought stuff for you haha. Thanks Kev and Cari for the gift. And thanks mom for the bedsheets and clothes!!!

A series of firsts...

2007-05-09T08:10:00.000Z

I've been told I need to update my blog more regularly. Apparantly once in 2 weeks isn't enough. Some people are just so demanding.. Heehee :P

The reasons why I don't update as regularly is:
1. I'm rather busy (yes, really, I am)
2. I like to write "quality" blogs (though that is subjective haha) and inspiration takes time. Heh.
3. Blogging is a joy when its not about frivolous topics and done only periodically. Seriously, do you want to know what I have for lunch everyday?

But anyway, here I am, detailing the going ons of my eventful life in Sydney.

So here goes.

The past few weeks have been a series of firsts. In no order of merit or chronology:

1. I drove an expecting mother (Deb) to the hospital for her delivery. Early on Sunday morning my telephone rang, waking me up. I thought to myself, which idio* calls so blo*dy early on a Sunday morning???

Sarah (In a disgruntled voice): Hello?

Caller (In a lot of pain): Hi Sarah

Sarah (Not knowing who the caller was): Er, yah?

Caller (In MORE pain): Hey, Deb here. Can you come over now please. I'm in a lot of pain. I think its labour.

Sarah: OH CRAP!! (Actually I used more explicit language but "oh crap" will do for now) Alright coming over now!!

Rushed to their house, without breakfast, make up or wash up. (I only changed out of my PJs and brushed my teeth) Drove them to the hospital.

2. Saw a half hour old baby for the first time in my life.

While Denesh and Deborah were in the delivery room delivering Elijah, I was occupying Ethan on the hospital grounds. We read stories, pretended to be horses, ran in the park, watched kids play soccer and walked up and down the carpark slope (at one point Ethan asked me to sing him the Liverpool song, which I don't know. Haha trust Denesh to teach his son such things heh). Denesh called and both of us (Ethan and myself) ran to the delivery room to see baby Elijah!! Yay!!

3. Went to work for the first time in Sydney.

I FINALLY got my work visa. So on Monday I spent 8 hours in a childcare centre changing nappys and putting babies to sleep. By the fourth soiled nappy I was seriously reconsidering having kids.

4. Cooked "Ba Ku Teh" with Deb.

Actually, Deb cooked the ba ku teh. I was just there to eat. haha. We both owe much to April for graciously sending me yummy Ba Ku Teh spices all the way from Singapore!!! THANK YOU APRIL!!!! :)

5. Study the bible with such a diverse group of people.

My Bible Study group at church comprises Naomi, Laetitia, Tim, Graeme, Michael and Trevor. We range in age from 24 (me) to 60+(I'm guessing). We've got an accountant, airplane repair mechanic, retiree, IT person and a Milkman. How cool is that? We're all so different and the only thing to bind us together is our love for God. Praise God for his family!

6. Playing for my church music team.

This Sunday will be my first time playing the piano for church! Yay! Thank God for the opportunity to serve.

That's pretty much my past few weeks in a nutshell. God has been so good too me. I'm really very thankful. There are days where I feel emotionally very drained and tired, as is the case for everyone at every point in life, but on the whole I'm really very happy and content with life here. God is good, all the time! :)

I shall end my posting with some random pictures.

Standing: Michael, Sarah, Naomi
Sitting: Laetitia, Trevor, Tim and Graeme

Ethan posing with his gingerbread man

Deb and I posing with the "Ba Ku Tek" packet!!

Some random pictures as promised!!

2007-04-23T06:41:00.000Z

This is the view at Katoomba (aka, the Blue Mountains), where I went for the Easter Convention. Vast, beautiful mountains eh!

This is Naomi, my friend from church, and her mom and me in Katoomba.

I went for a beach walk with some chicks from church. The beach walks are gorgeous and oh so romantic!! :)

Heehee, this is me, at the beach walk, trying to pull off a hercules! Oh Ruth (Wok) look at my shoes!! Tell Lynn (Ho) that I'm wearing the shoes she gave me hahaha!!!

This is the view of the Sydney CBD from the park where I sit to reflect and do my QT. It was quite a hazy day.

This is the prawn noodles I cooked!! Looks pretty good eh? I was missing the Adam Road Prawn Mee badly, and came up with my own rendition. It was a decent first effort, but not quite Adam Road standard (yet).. :(

Isn't he a darling?? This is Ethan (Divyanathan). He's SUCH a cutie!! This was him in the car when I was trying to get him to smile properly for the camera. haha. HE'S SO CUTE!!! He's extemely chatty and hyper most of the time too. CUTIE!!

I've left my favourite for the last.. :) Aww.. look at them.. Aren't they adorable? haha

God is so good

2007-04-17T00:59:00.000Z

God is constantly reminding me of what an amazing God he is. He's provided for me all my life, and he's STILL providing for me, in so many ways, here in Sydney. I've got so many things to be thankful for I don't know where to begin.

There is a park near my apartment that I go to very often to sit, enjoy the outdoors, read my bible and reflect. Perhaps I'm easily contented, but I'm so happy that there's such a lovely park 5 minutes from home that I can go to. I like my space, and I like being outdoors. From the park, where sit under a big tree, I get a gorgeous view of the Sydney CBD skyline in the distance. The sun sets behind me and on any given day there are dog owners playing "catch the bone" with their dogs, shirtless guys (haha, yum! I DO NOT OGLE) playing frisbee or footy, couples having a picnic, stuff like that. Its a great privilege, amidst the hustle and bustle of life, to take time out to think and evaluate your life. Consciously setting aside "my quiet time" is something I'm going to make every effort to do, even in the busyness of life.

God has also been providing me with friends. Before coming here, I was apprehensive and didn't quite know what to expect. But things have been good. In my 2 months plus here I've been invited to the movies, gone for a weekend away, had lunch and coffee with classmates and had beach outings. Its not to say I'm popular and that's why I've got friends - I've consciously made the effort to get to know people, to understand Aussie culture and how they deal with friendships and conversations. It's not always easy, but its nothing I can complain about. The friendships are still in early stages and I'm still trying to build bridges with people, hopefully some friendships will deepen.

Sydney Uni is a BEAUTIFUL uni to study at. Sprawling grounds, Sandstone colossal majestic buildings, open spaces to sit, what more can I ask for? So many times I've asked God 'What have I done to deserve this'. The privilege of being here, in this uni, in a great city, in a good church, in a comfortable apartment. Why do I deserve this? And I know the answer is I don't. We don't deserve anything God gives us, much less the death of Jesus and his offer of eternal life. But God chooses to give what he gives, and takes away what he pleases and our responsibility is to praise and glorify him in everything.

I've got pictures to show my dear readers but I can't upload them because of firewalls in the apartment. I will upload pictures when I'm at Deb and Denesh's place. haha. (yes, I'm a freeloader. I do my laundry there every week.. haha. I don't know how they put up with me)

One last thing I'd like to share. Last week, over easter I had the chance to go for a weekend away with Naomi (a friend from church) and her mom and sister. We went to the Blue Mountains and there was a convention on the Christian suffering and hope. Good teaching, great people. The one lesson that I'd like to remember is from Philippians (my favourite book in the Bible, I've read/studied it so many times, but there's always new things to learn!!). Paul writes in 1:21 For me to live is Christ, to die is gain. For me, Sarah, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Its a win-win situation. You can't go wrong with Jesus.

The speaker shared this story (I'm sure I've got the facts wrong though, but you get my point). There was an influential Christian evangelist years ago who'd speak up against alcohol sales/production in the States. The Mafia were pissed off as they controlled much of the alcohol market and didn't want to lose money in the lucrative business. So they threatened the evanglistic, looked him in the eye, pointed a gun to him and told him, if he doesn't stop speaking up against it they'll kill him.

What did the evangelist do?

He looked them straight in the eye and said "are you seriously threatening me with HEAVEN??"

For me to live is Christ, to die is gain.

Say what, mate??

2007-03-25T10:35:00.000Z

After slightly over a month in Sydney I think it appropriate to deal with the “language/culture barrier” issue, not that there is an issue, or have I encountered much difficulty in being understood, or understanding. Here are some of my observations of the Aussies:

1. They are very friendly people. When I approach strangers for help, or sales people in shops, more often then not, I’ve been asked “How’s your day coming along” or “How are you” or “How are we doing today”. No doubt it is superficial, perfunctory formality, but you can’t deny their sincerity and genuine willingness to help.

I give customer service in Australia 5/5 stars, and Singapore 2/5. We’ve got a lot to learn from them.

2. They are very laid back people. “Laid-back-ness” is synonymous with Aussie culture. People are generally unfazed when faced with situations like slow service in check-out queues because cashiers are making small talk with customers, or mix ups/clashes in timetable, eating food off the ground (seriously), walking bare foot on public streets, to name a few. Their common response to such situations is to remark off-handedly “no worries, mate”!

Saying “no worries” is something I’ve grown accustomed to. Good training for patience. Heh.

3. They are very non-judgmental people. Aussies tend to let you be what/who you want to be, without judging you or alienating you. You can be gay, transvestite, Christian, a resident nerd, a single mom, or whatever, but people generally just let you be.

Its good in a way as people are tolerant towards each other. They may not be particularly friendly, but they are tolerant. It’s bad however (from a Christian perspective) as the lines of right and wrong are blurred and the benchmark of morality is subjective - the unfortunate result of a postmodern era I guess.

On a separate note, one thing that I had to get use to was the nuances in Aussie English, though English should be English regardless of where you are.

For example:

When picking up the phone/greeting friends, I’ve heard countless people say “G’day” instead of “Hello”. Seriously. I use to think it was a joke that people would say “G’day mate!” but they really say that. And you have to say it quick too, not deliberately pronouncing “good” and “day”, but kinda like “gooday”. It’s funny.

When asking “how you doing” (like what I’m use to) they say “how’s it goin’ ”. Why I don’t know, but they just do.

When asking you sign the receipt after paying for your goods they say “Can I just get you to sign the docket please”. Yeah, docket = receipt. I’ve never heard of any other brand of English using docket in place of receipt.

And lastly, my favourite, I was in the mall and walked past two girls who were talking. One girl said to the other “Man, my new thongs are really hurting me”. My eyes widened as I stared at them.

In lecture, this random guy went up to my Canadian friend and said, “Hey I really like your thong”. We looked at each other in horror.

After some time we realized that thong = slippers, sandals, tevas, havanas, etc…

D’oh!

Spot your gift... Wow! You can cook?!

2007-03-14T03:36:00.000Z

This is my desk in my sizable hostel room. I really can't complain about the size of the apartment. Its very spacious. So is my room. Thankfully! :) Doesn't my desk look "used"?? I've really made use of it to do my *ehem* WORK!

See if you can spot the following, haha:

1. The cow photo frame with a picture of Elliot and I. (I can't believe Elliot gave me a cow picture frame, without a picture mind you, and thought it was romantic!!) HAHAHAHAHA :P

2. The little black book that my bible study group at PUNJ gave me.

3. The pink water bottle that April gave me. (I love it ap, but it leaks!! So can't use it much unfortunately)

4. The 2007 diary that Keeevin and Carilyn gave me for me birthday last year. (It's come in VERY handy)

5. The violin books that Carl gave me to practise so that I can be a violinist like him! haha

6. The stash of food that's always kept in my room for my insatiable appetite.

I've also been cooking fairly regularly and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. I even have an apron just to suit the role! HAHA!! Its fun creating your own dishes and having control over what you want to eat. I can cook whatever I feel like eating and make it as spicy/salty/sweet as I want it to be (some of the plus sides of cooking for yourself).

The hard thing about cooking for one person is that you have to enjoy your food alone, there's no one to say "that was yummy" haha, so I usually say it to myself HAHAHA (no surprises there heehee) and there's ALWAYS left-overs because its just so hard to cook small portions of food! Its actually easier to cook for more people. Of course anyone with any sort of cooking experience can tell me all this, but I found out on my own.

So I usually cook for two people, freeze the left-overs and eat it the next day! :)

This is (half) the salmon dish that I cooked (I ate the other half yesterday). Here's the idiot's guide to I've-never-cooked-never-ever-in-my-life recipe that I conjured on my own!!

INGREDIENTS

1 salmon cutlet
Chopped onions
Chopped tomatos
Chopped garlic
Chopped mushrooms. (I used the longish mushrooms, I think its shitake mushrooms?? No buttom mushrooms from a can please!! That's an abomination!!!)
Soy sauce for seasoning
Salt
Pepper
1/2 a lemon
1 Chilli

METHOD

1. Wake up early in the morning to wash and season the salmon. Make sure the salmon is already defrosted if it was kept in the freezer. I used Kikoman sauce to season the salmon, though you don't really need to do this, me thinks, cause salmon meat is quite tasty on its own.

2. At lunch time, pre heat the frying pan for a coupla seconds and pour a table-ish spoon of olive oil (it's healthy). Wait a few seconds for the pan and oil to heat up.

3. Put the garlic and onions into the frying pan. Use the frying slice to "fry". Once the garlic turns a little brown..

4. Put the salmon cutlet into the pan. (At this point you should be hearing a sizzling sound, I LOVE IT!! hahaha). The fire should be on low and not high, why I don't know, but its doesn't over cook the outside of the fish.

5. Wait a few seconds. Pour like a table spoon of soy sauce (depending on how much gravy you want at the end) and pour some water (depending on how much gravy you want at the end) haha

6. Add the tomatos, mushrooms and chilli.

7. Squeeze some juice from the lemon so that the gravy has a lemony flavour (DUH)

8. Cover the frying pan and let everything simmer for 10-15 minutes.

9. I suppose you can turn the salmon over at some point. I don't know if this is necessary. But I do it just for fun. heh

VIOLA!! You're done!! Serve with rice and you've got a meal fit for a king!!! haha

Cooking is so fun and common sense. :) Thank God somewhere in my DNA, my mom's cooking gene got passed to me. Yay!

Someone please, amuse me, try this recipe and tell me how it went!!!

LATEST LATEST!! read all about it!!

2007-03-02T08:32:00.000Z

Its been about 9 days since my arrival in Sydney. Figured the best way to update everyone is to come up with a list of questions that I'd anticipate people to ask. haha.

Just in case you think I'm wierd and talk to myself in the third person.

I do.

haha.

But only when I'm alone. So here goes...

Enjoy!!

Q: Have you been cooking?

A: Yes I have! Made chicken & mushroom with 'kecap manis', fried rice, and some other random dishes.

Q: Oh wow! I didn't know you could cook!

A: Haha, oh I don't. But I'm just experimenting. I tried to make steamed tofu with minced meat like how my mom does, but failed miserably. I had to throw everything away. :(

Q: So have you made lots of friends?

A: I've met people here and there. People in Sydney are generally very helpful so you just have to take the initiative to talk to people. :)

Q: Who are your flat mates?

A: At the moment I've got 3 other girls I'm staying with. Jacqui from Wollongong (which is 2 hours away from Sydney), Siam from India and Dashy from Sri Lanka.

Q: How's the church situation coming along?

A: Church has been great so far. I'm attending a church called The Bible Talks (TBT) which meets at St. Andrew's Cathedral, in the heart of Sydney City.

Q: What are some difficulties you're facing?

A: Nothing life threatening so far. Haha. Just learning to cope with doing my own cooking, washing my own clothes, making sure my room/the apartment is tidy.

Q: Wow! With so many things on your plate how are you going to cope with your studies?

A: Haha! Good question! I don't know really. Just take it one day at a time I guess. I'm really excited about starting school on Tuesday (6th March). I've met some of my lecturers. They've all left a positive impression on me so I really can't complain.

Q: Sorry, I forgot, what are you studying again?

A: I'm doing my Masters in Teaching.

Q: Oh! That's right! And what will you be teaching?

A: I'm enrolled for secondary social studies, commerce/economics.

Q: Social studies, commerce/economics??? I thought you wanted to teach English?

A: Yeah, that's what I thought too. But because I didn't do a BA in English, I didn't meet the requirements to be an English teacher. I can, however, teach Legal Studies (which is part of Social studies in the Sydney school system) and commerce/economics because I took come modules in uni.

Q: Oh I see! So will you be employable when you graduate?

A: Haha. I don't know. I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

Q: How are you and Elliot coping with long distance (again, haha)?

A: We're doing good so far. He's been very supportive and patient with me as I settle in a new place.

Q: When will you guys see each other again?

A: Hopefully sometime end June. We're trying to gather some friends and we can all go snowboarding together! Anyone interested email me and I'll review it on a case by case basis. haha.

Q: Have you played your violin yet?

A: Haha!! Somehow I knew that question was coming! Many of you will be pleased to know that my violin's not tuned. So I can't play it just yet. But I will soon!! MUAHAHAHHAAHA!!

Q: Will you be uploading pictures on your blog soon?

A: I'd love to. But I still don't have internet connection in my room. Once I get that sorted I'll try to upload some pictures.

Q: What is one important lesson you've learnt in your 9 days in Sydney so far?

A: Ive learnt to humbly rely on others for help, that I can't always be stubbornly independent and so everything on my own.

Q: Is there any one you'd like to thank for helping you settle in Sydney?

A: Oh yes! Definitely! There's Edmund and Mei who so graciously drove me around the first few days just so I could set up my bank account, handphone etc... There's Roger and Mayhsin for letting my stay with them the first few days. Deb and Den for bringing me to Kmart to buy stuff (and letting me use their internet to blog haha). CC and Glorya for hanging out with me, calling me and just being there so I know that you're there if I'm in a life threatening situation.
Thanks so much guys!!

Q: Lastly, is there anything we can we can pray for?

A: Yes please. Thank God that I'm coping well with the many changes in my life and my routine. I'm a bit overwhelmed at times, there are so many different things on my mind and I'll spend the whole night worrying about it. But I'm learning. Learning to rejoice in the Lord and not be anxious about anything but to rely on him through prayer. (Philippians 4:4-7)

Q: Cool!! Thanks for sparing us the time to do this interview!

A: Its been a pleasure. Thanks! :)

Saying goodbye is hard to do...

2007-02-20T03:02:00.000Z

Today is officially my last day in Singapore.

Give me some time to let it sink in.

My last day in Singapore...

Tomorrow, my life as I know it will change drastically.

New friends, new environment, new food, new church, new school, new home, new boyfriend (HAHAHA kidding kidding :P I'm kidding only la!!!).

God willing, the one thing that won't change will be my love for Him and desire to live a life worthy of the Gospel of Christ (Philippians 1:27). Everyone back home, it is YOUR job to keep me accountable on that!!

To all my friends who've made so much of a difference in my life, thank you and keep in touch. I can't name names, there would be too many, there are SO many joyful moments, tears, laughter and countless sweet memories that would stay with me for awhile yet. :)

Braced with a sense of adventure and wholly reliant on God's providence, Sydney, HERE I COME!!!!!!

I will miss you girls!

2007-02-17T08:32:00.000Z

some special people...

2007-02-16T14:01:00.000Z

Maggie and I at NUS canteen!

Ruth with her bright blue shirt and mo-mo beads hahah

Mavis and I!!

I thought this was a nice night shot. heh.

Some things that I will NOT miss about Singapore

2007-02-14T08:39:00.000Z

The disturbing trend of people not giving up their seats on buses and the MRT to people who need it more than them has been around for awhile. I get really riled and agitated when people don't graciously take the inititive to give up their seats to the elderly or pregnant ladies.

On the MRT on my way home today, I had to give up my seat not once, not twice, but THREE times to the more needy. Not that I'm complaining (or trying to show off my charitable side) - I'm more than happy to stand and let someone else sit. What irked me was that no one else bothered to offer their seats!!

There were two secondary school students (from a relatively renowned school, though school, class or soci-economic background is not an excuse for ungraciousness) who were standing, and next to them was an old man who was so obviously struggling to stand during the train ride. (At this point I had already given my seat up and therefore, had no seat to give)

Two girls alighted at the next stop, leaving two empty seats. The two secondary boys, instead of alerting the old man to the seat, dashed to the vacated seats saying to one another "Ah! seats, sit sit, lets take a seat!!"

I was absolutely disgusted!!

What's troubling is that this is not an isolated incident! IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME!!!

What's the point of Singapore progressing so quickly, with our economy (supposedly) growing leaps and bounds, when society in general is completely apathetic to the needs of the elderly in simple day to day situations?

When I become a full blown teacher, I'm going to make sure the students in my class are taught generousity and graciousness and hopefully they'll be useful members of society.

I will do the same for my offspring.

I hope my friends will do the same.

I hope those reading this will be initiated enough to offer their seats to the needy, instead of selfishly dashing for the first available seat like its their right to be there.

A string of farewells

2007-02-13T07:57:00.000Z

Have had the privilege to meet friends here and there to say bye before I go. (Gasp! Only a week left in Singapore!!) The most memorable farewell would have to be the "Back to School" themed one. Where the PUNJers were sporting enough to wear their old school uniforms! haha!! Here are some pictures. Enjoy!

Some of the dudes and dudette from my JC. We went to Settlers Cafe at Holland Village and played random games. Fun!

This is a balloon that the Young Ones from PUNJ gave me. It says "wild about you". Aww.. So sweet. Makes my heart melt. Hopefully (and I know they're reading this) they'll continue growing in Christ and next time they'll be doing bible studies for my kids!! haha HINT HINT scholarSSS!!

The Young Ones (plus some wannabes) from my bible study group in PUNJ

As punishment for not wearing a uniform, Gabe had to don the RGS pinafore!!! HAHAHA!!! (Sorry ap, heh :P )

Jac and Tim and Tim's Props!! The memo jazz pager and the old school Errison handphones were so IN back in the day!!

A class photo. Aww.. Look at that. Everyone in their old school uniforms. Sweet memories! :)

A day at the zoo!!

2007-02-06T07:14:00.000Z

I finally had the chance to visit the zoo. For those who've never been there, the Singapore Zoo is a MUST SEE!! The animal shows are much better than the ones I've seen elsewhere. It's comprehensive and very nicely done up. It feels like you've been taken away from the bustle of city life in Singapore and placed in tranquility among various animals and plants. Here are some photos. National Geographic should hire me to take pictures for them. heh.

All throughout my life

2007-02-04T23:40:00.000Z

I've been systematically packing my things into boxes in a bid to empty my room completely before I leave for Down-under. I don't want my parents to have the burden of clearing my left-behinds you see. Among my things is a whole drawer full of old diaries dating from my early early teens.

I spent one afternoon reading my old entries rather amused at my superficial babble, which, in my defence is all part of growing up!! Things like "oh I have a crush on that cute guy in sec 4. OMG we made eye contact in the canteen!" or "I'm so sad, I felt so left out in school today, I had no one to talk to" or "I hate it when my parents ask endless questions on where/who I'm going out with. I wish they treated me like an adult!!" heh

One thing that struck me though was how, in the midst of my childish banter, God, in the splendor of his fore knowledge, was always working in my life, even though I wasn't consciously trying to live for him.

Like many second generation christians, of which I am one, I grew up with the knowledge of sin and the need for salvation through Jesus Christ. But this knowledge only translated into reality in my early twenties (I'm still in the age bracket haha) when I started making a conscious effort to live as God would want me to.

Its amazing how God allows certain things to happen in our lives to slowly mold us into who he wants us to be. Looking back on my life, I see how God has slowly revealed himself to me and how my understanding of who he is grows as I mature.

I was really surprised to see how the prayers written in my teens were peppered with the obligatory "if it is God's will". So a typical entry would be "if it's God's will, I pray that the cute guy will ask me out" (haha, really) or "if it is God's will, my parents will allow me to do this and that" or "if it's God's will I'll do really well for my Maths test"

What is shocking is that I had no understanding of the concept of God's will at that time, nor did I have a real desire to please God with my life. Yet, in his own mysterious, amazing way, he was always working in my life even when I didn't know it!

Praise God for who he is and for patiently waiting for his lost sheep to turn to him. With God's help I hope I'll live in full submission to him till I reach my heavenly, eternal home. :)

Random pictures...

2007-01-29T05:05:00.000Z

I'm feeling really nostalgic thinking about the many things I'm gonna miss when I'm gone. I've "left" home many times before, Hong Kong and Germany and countless long/short holidays, but something's different about this leaving. I can't quite place my finger on it, but its different no doubt.. God has a plan for me, for all of us, and something tells me there's an adventure awaiting me. God willing I'll walk the narrow path daily...

I've chosen some random photos to put on the blog. There are SOOO many other people who have made a difference in my life I can't begin to name them all. There are many other people I want to "show off" on the blog, but my photo collection isn't extensive enough. haha (I'm not a photograph person la)...

Graduation 2005

Elliot and I

Cel and I on the indiana jones heh

Cari and I freezing our pants off

preeettty ladiesss

haha CLAR :P with CC in the background hahah

Mike and I

Tennis with Kate....

... and me cuz

Christabelle and I in transit

Some things that I will miss...

2007-01-27T15:50:00.000Z

The reality of me leaving Singapore to start a new chapter of my life in Sydney is taking a while to set in. No doubt many new challenges will come my way in the months to come. But for now, I'm content to just take things one day at a time, making the wisest decisions I can for each day.

Some things I know I'll miss dearly when I'm gone are:

1. My family - As much as I yearn for my independence and as much as I appreciate living on my own, doing my own thang, I know my family will always be "home" and the people/place I seek comfort in.

2. THE FOOD!!! OH MY GOSH!!!! THE FOOD!!!! - I eat and eat and eat. I LURVE eating! Goodbye Char Quay Tiow, Roti Prata, Nasi Lemak, Mee Rubus, Fish Bee Hoon, You Tiao, Hokkien Mee, Sambal Stingray, Chilli Crab, Ba Chor Mee, Chee Quay oh my gosh I could go on...

3. The PUNJers/ARPC - PUNJ has been so much a part of my life the past 6/7 years. PUNJ has been instrumental in my growth as a Christian. Praise God for how faithfully His Word is taught there, with godly leaders setting very good examples.

4. My friends - The close ones and the not so close ones... You know how there are some people that you're not that close to, in the sense that you don't meet up regularly or share your life intimately with, but they're still people that you treasure? Close acquaintances I call them. I'm gonna miss everyone.

5. The kids that I've had the privilege of teaching over the past year and a half - Man, what makes me sad is that I may never see these kids again. They grow up, leave school and start a life of their own. Hopefully I'd have made some sort of positive impact on them. There were many frustrating moments and times when I questioned why I did what I did (leaving the law and pursuing teaching). But its been a tremendously fulfilling time and I've learnt SO much. Sometimes I wonder whether its the kids or I that have benefited from my teaching stint.

6. The familiarity of home (and by home I mean Singapore) - Its hard leaving a place you've lived in for most of your life. And depending of what God has in store for my future, I may or may not come back.

There are probably a million other things I'll miss but won't know it till I'm in Sydney. So I'll leave it at that.

I now have about three weeks to prepare myself for what lies ahead. There are so many things to do, and so many people I want to meet up with to say bye. I hope I'll have the time...

My first major blow of the year

2007-01-15T10:54:00.000Z

2007, as with most other years, started marvellously for me. I was looking forward to starting a new phase of my life as a graduate student (gasp!) and anticipating many new challenges i would face as I (grudgingly) inch my way through my 20s (GASP!!). You can imagine my emotional high as 2007 approached.

Then came the first blow.

It had to come.

Not that my university withdrew my place.
Not that my parents suddenly decided to withdraw the funds meant for my education.
Not that I didn't get the hostel of my choice.
Not that I put on 3kg (which I did, by the way, but that's for another discussion)

But that... Brace yourselves now...

JUSTINE HENIN-HARDENNE PULLED OUT OF THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN DUE TO "FAMILY REASONS"!!! MEGA GASP!!!!

The unthinkable happened. The current world number one, the player who reached all four grand slam finals last year (shut up those who are scoffing under their breath that she only won one. That is irrelevant), the female player with the sweetest backhand ever, IS NOT PLAYING IN THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN!!!

Sometime in late November last year, I was a mouse-click away from buying tickets to the Australian Open and minutes from a phone call to my travel agent to shift my flight to mid-January so that I could watch the games live. (Watching replays on cable is so last year, hahaha).

Thank God common sense and practical fund management got the better of me and I resisted the urge to make my way to Melbourne like a crazed fan. What's the point of watching the games live if my favourite player isn't playing?

Which brings me to my next point. Why oh why isn't she playing?

Quick research on my part unravelled this: She is having marital problems and may divorce her husband. Aparantly he's having difficulty being second fiddle to the other man in her life- Carlos Rodriguez, her coach.

A tinge of disillusionment crept through me as I read the report online. When I was a little girl there were always these celebrities I'd imagine as having the perfect fairy-tale life. Mariah Carey, Andre Agassi, Princess Diana just to name a few. I'd always imagine them as the ones who had it all, fame, fortune and a happy family life with many happy kids. But Mariah divorced Tommy Mottola, as did Andre from Brooke and Princess Di from Prince Charles.

I guess the celebrities from yesteryear have long been taken off my "idol" list and I've since outgrown the whole happily ever after notion. (At least on this physical world. I still look forward to my happily ever after with God in heaven) But watching Justine play over the seasons reminded me of how I'd always use to look up to random celebrities and attempt to model my life after them. Only to realise that they're far from perfect and suffer as many problems as we mere mortals do.

For the first time in a long time I thought maybe Justine will be the one. The one who'd live a "good" life. Do her thing, be a good wife, give lots of money to the poor, make her marriage work.

But yet again I was proven wrong. Again I'm humbly reminded that the only person I should ever attempt to model my life after is Jesus. That he is the ulimate "good" guy. The only ever truly perfect person to walk on earth. The only person who can bridge the gulf that separates God and I.

I do wish Justine all the best. I sincerely hope she can work her marital problems out. But better yet, that she (and many others who don't already) may come to know God and who Jesus is and the salvation he has to offer.

That way I can always watch her play tennis in heaven, forever. Though, I know for certain, the joy and awe that I'd experience in heaven would far exceed watching my mere worldly idol play tennis.

The dictator in my life

2007-01-07T10:32:00.000Z

I recently read Animal Farm by George Orwell. Though the book is an allegory of the Russian revolution of 1917, Orwell wrote it to warn readers about the dangers of the rise of any dictator, not just the Russian ones.

For those who haven’t read the book the plot is as follows: A visionary speech was made by Old Major (a white boar), who incites the animals on the farm to start a rebellion against their human rulers as they are, so he claims, inferior to animals. Humans, he reasons, cannot produce milk, eggs, pull the plough, etc unlike animals, who can do all that and more. Humans, therefore, have no right to lord over them. He goes on to argue that the animals will be better off ruling themselves. A rebellion subsequently takes place, shortly after Old Major dies, led by Napoleon (a not white boar).

Napoleon appoints himself as leader over the animals after the rebellion, marking the start of his rise to dictator. As the story progresses, Napoleon gradually increases control over the animals, aided by his sidekick, Squealer (a pig) and his guard dogs. Eventually his dictatorship is complete.

This book reminded me about how every dictator the world has seen so far has risen to power only to eventually fail with terrible consequences (for themselves and the countries they control). The one thing that strikes me is how much dictators are driven by “self”. Every action they undertake is to promote their “self”. No expense is spared, not the lives of their countrymen, not their economy, not even their loved ones (Saddam had his sons-in-law executed. Reason given: he suspected them for secretly plotting against him) for their betterment. The reality of the maxim “absolute power corrupts absolutely” was evident throughout the book.

Reading Animal Farm made me appreciate that God is the only “dictator” I would completely give my life to. In many ways God is a dictator. Following him demands our all- he has absolute control of not just my life, but the whole universe as well. Unlike human dictators however, God will never fail and he is always good, right and loving in his actions. The day I accepted Jesus as my Saviour was the day I let God be the perfect, loving, benevolent dictator in my life.

Never in my life would I have expected making a conscious, willing choice to submit to any authority, let alone God’s authority. Those who know me well know that I don’t like being told what to do, that I like doing things my way, I speak my own mind and am not easily swayed. But all that changed. All because of the person I now call my God. With his help, I hope to live all my days with God as my dictator. For all reading this (with whom I share a positive relationship, haha) I give you full permission to keep me in check with regard to this. Heehee…

First fish!!

2007-01-02T09:06:00.000Z

So I had the privilege of heading down-under in October/November. While I was there, I spent some time with my dear friend Christabelle in a little, but not so little quaint town called Toowoomba. Her soon to be brother-in-law-in-law brought me for my first fish at Cooby Dam about 40 minutes out of Toowoomba.. AND I CAUGHT A FISH!! Haha a 42cm yellowbelly to be specific. Talk about first time lucky. I would have loved to eat the fish heehee, but we threw it back into the water.

Check out the Medusa Hair in the jumping shot. haha. That's Bondi Beach in the background.

The Sydney Opera House needs no introduction.

Cheers to a new year, and a glorious one past

2007-01-01T09:03:00.000Z

How eventful is it for me to start my new year creating a blog. Guess the main reason for this is because in less than 2 months i'll be in a far far away land, far far away from my friends and family (and, most importantly, my FOOD).

This blog will (hopefully) help in my efforts to keep in touch with me loved ones here at home. (Though the concept of "home" is relative and highly temporary)...

I will try to update regularly. Though past attempts at maintaining a blog proved futile. But I will try my darnest. Promise. I will also try to come to terms with the voyeur (think clean guys) in me, or lack there of. I find the whole notion of online identities/personas disgustingly self-gratifying and indulgent. But I will try. Try to use this blog as an effective form of communication, and as a platform to share my views on things that i think matter. Like Jesus and Salvation and Man's inherent sinfulness and why pink is my favourite colour. Amongst other things.

So to all who will read this blog to humour me. Thank you. Do drop by from time to time and encourage me to keep at it- blogging and the Christian Life, (in reverse order of importance).