Sticking out like a sore thumb

I recently read an article on polyamorists in the Sunday Age Magazine (Melbourne’s Sunday newspaper). Polyamorwhat? you say. Polyamory. The word comes from the Greek and Latin words poly and amor, which translates into “many loves”. Polyamory is basically having emotionally intimate and loving relationships with more than one person at a time with the consent of everyone involved.

The article included an interview with the actress Tilda Swinton (the White Witch in The Lion the King and the Wardrobe). Swinton talked about the polyamourous relationships she shares with her long time partner, and father of her twin kids, John Byrne and Sandro Kopp, a 30-year-old German-born New Zealander she met while filming Narnia.

I quote from the article, “The arrangement,” Swindon says, “is just so sane. John and I live here (in Scotland) with our children, and Sandro is sometimes here with us, and we travel the world together. We are all a family.” She goes on to say, “it may seem odd, but it certainly is the best thing for the children… It is a situation I find very healthy. I can maintain my life with my children and their father, and spend time with the man I’ve become very fond of. There has been a lot of understanding by the men.”

Several other polyamorous couples were interviewed in the article. One of them says, “Having several intimate relationships has benefits. There is a degree of love, care and connectedness in polyamorous relationships that I have never found in monogamous relationships.”

Another polyamorist is quoted as saying, “being poly relieves you of the crushing burden of having to be everything to somebody. You can be yourself and your partners can be themselves, and nobody has to try to be everything to everybody or worry about being traded in for someone better.”

Reading this article was yet another reminder of how different the world’s views and lifestyle choices are from the ones that I’ve formed from being a Christian. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. I cannot expect everyone to live the way I do because not everyone shares the framework of the Gospel that I have. Until my friends and family become Christians, there is no reason to expect or demand that they live by godly, Biblical principles.

I’ve had many reminders of how different my views are to the world this term at school. I’ve had the privilege of teaching Legal Studies to year 11 and year 12 students (16 to18-year-olds). One of the major topics we look at is Family Law. In it, we explore the different types of family arrangements under Australian Law (and let me tell you, compared to Singapore, there are many!). There’s de facto (which is essentially a ‘partnership’), blended, single-parent, indigenous, same-sex and of course, your traditional married husband and wife team. We also study laws relating to abortion, contraception, the legal age of consent and various other rights of a child. I’ve had many an interesting conversation with my students.

Jenny, a year 12 student in my Legal Studies class, interrupted class one day and randomly asked me, “Miss, is the Pill the best form of protection?”

I replied, “Well, the Pill would help in preventing unwanted pregnancies, but you’d probably want to use a condom too, cause that would protect you against STDs.”

Another student said, “Yeah, using the Pill together with a condom would be the best.”

Then I said, “Well, if you really want 100% certainty then I’d recommend abstinence.”

The entire class burst out laughing.

“MISS!!!” Jenny exclaimed, her eyes wide open in disbelief, “that’s SO old fashioned. No one practices that anymore!!”

To which I asked, “do they teach abstinence as a method of contraception in your P.E/Health Science classes?”

“No. Not at all Miss. They pretty much give us a condom and a banana and say ‘here, practice putting it on.”

Now I know the realities of this world and I know the struggles of sexual purity. I don’t expect these days that people will ‘wait’ till they get married. But for seventeen year olds to be sexually active?!! I work day in day out with teenagers and I know what they’re like. At seventeen, even eighteen, they’re not mature enough to deal with the emotional, physical and mental consequences of a sexual relationship. They’ll think they are, and they’ll argue that they are, but in reality, I’m not sure they’re ready.

It’s been almost 5 years since I made a conscious decision to follow Christ. Yes, I did grow up in a Christian home with a knowledge of God and Jesus and the Gospel. But it was only in my early 20s when I made the commitment to live as a Christian. Since then, so much has changed. My outlook on life is different, the way I choose to spend my time and money is different, the way I react to blessings (and sufferings) is different, the way I choose to indulge (or rather, not indulge) in alternative relationships or physically gratifying relationships is different. I’m a Christian now, and the Gospel has given me the framework to live my life.

I pray for the Tilda Swintons and Jennys around me. I don’t judge them and I don’t want to change them for the sake of change itself. If it weren’t for Christ, I’d live my life in exactly the same way as my dear friends. I want them to know the God I’ve come to know and love and the Gospel he has made so available to us. I want them to experience the peace and joy that comes from knowing Him.

Yes, the Christian life can be an uphill climb sometimes. But from personal experience it’s the only, if not the best, way to live.