Get the tenth one free for every nine...

Consumerism seems to have increased exponentially in recent times. Or maybe it’s just that I never bought into it and am now slowly realizing its insidious grasp. I recently acquired my sixth loyalty card. Loyalty what, you say? Yeah, loyalty card. You know, one of those ‘get a stamp for every coffee you buy and get the tenth one free’ cards. You heard me right. I now am a proud owner of six loyalty cards, all acquired in a span of six months. That’s one card a month!! If I keep this up I’ll have nine by the end of this year.

There’s my Easy Way Bubble Tea card. You seriously can’t expect me, a true blue Singaporean, to not have a bubble tea card can you? Those were so in mode back when platform shoes were fashion must-haves.

Then there’s my FlyBuys card. That’s a rewards card. I get points for every dollar I spend at Kmart, Coles, Target and a whole bunch of other shops. A girl needs food. I’m a loyal customer at Coles. They’re the Fresh Food People!!! (Oh wait, or is that Woolworth’s slogan??)

Then I’ve got my ‘discount’ cards. A Rebel Sport and Hybrid Sport one. I get 10% off on selected items or for every $50 I spend. That’s a lot of money to spend just to get 10% off don’t you think? I’m often faced with the dilemma, should I buy just one more top, or that pair of socks that I don’t really need, or new tennis racket grips because they’re a funky colour, just so I can bring my total amount to $50 so that I can get 10% off. Oh, those decisions are so hard to make!

Don’t forget my L’Occitane card. For every $50 I spend I get one stamp. When I accumulate ten stamps (that’s a total of $500 for the mathematically challenged), I’m eligible for VIP membership. That’s when I get 10% off all L’Occitane products. Work with me here - if I have to spend 500 bucks to get 10% off lets say a moisturizer that costs $60, I’ll end up saving $6 on the moisturizer. But given that I’ve already spent $500 to get the $6 savings in the first place, I’d have to buy 84 bottles of moisturizer before I’ve ‘earned’ back the $500. 84 bottles of moisturizer!@$?? I’d be dead before I even see the benefits of that 10%!

I wonder if this loyalty program works for friendship. I’ll hang out with you and listen to your sob stories over a cuppa. But on the tenth occasion, you’ll have to buy me coffee as a ‘reward’ for my listening.

Or dishes.

I’ll do the dishes at home for ten days, after which my flatmate has to buy me something nice. ☺

Or exams.

If I pass nine exams with a High Distinction, I’ll get my tenth HD without having to take the actual exam.

Or better yet - dating.

I’ll go out with you nine times (as a favour of course) but on the tenth occasion you have to set me up with your cute friend that I’m actually interested in but couldn’t go out with until I went out with you nine times. Hmm…

I’m no genius (though sometimes I like to think I am) but something tells me this loyalty program isn’t going to work for friendship, exams or dishes. I’ll have to think of another way to sustain my friendships, score my HDs and trick my flatmate into doing my share of the dishes. Heehee…

Before I get to that however I’m going shopping (where I will no doubt acquire another loyalty card) to buy myself a new wallet.

I need somewhere to store my loyalty cards!!