I've been systematically packing my things into boxes in a bid to empty my room completely before I leave for Down-under. I don't want my parents to have the burden of clearing my left-behinds you see. Among my things is a whole drawer full of old diaries dating from my early early teens.
I spent one afternoon reading my old entries rather amused at my superficial babble, which, in my defence is all part of growing up!! Things like "oh I have a crush on that cute guy in sec 4. OMG we made eye contact in the canteen!" or "I'm so sad, I felt so left out in school today, I had no one to talk to" or "I hate it when my parents ask endless questions on where/who I'm going out with. I wish they treated me like an adult!!" heh
One thing that struck me though was how, in the midst of my childish banter, God, in the splendor of his fore knowledge, was always working in my life, even though I wasn't consciously trying to live for him.
Like many second generation christians, of which I am one, I grew up with the knowledge of sin and the need for salvation through Jesus Christ. But this knowledge only translated into reality in my early twenties (I'm still in the age bracket haha) when I started making a conscious effort to live as God would want me to.
Its amazing how God allows certain things to happen in our lives to slowly mold us into who he wants us to be. Looking back on my life, I see how God has slowly revealed himself to me and how my understanding of who he is grows as I mature.
I was really surprised to see how the prayers written in my teens were peppered with the obligatory "if it is God's will". So a typical entry would be "if it's God's will, I pray that the cute guy will ask me out" (haha, really) or "if it is God's will, my parents will allow me to do this and that" or "if it's God's will I'll do really well for my Maths test"
What is shocking is that I had no understanding of the concept of God's will at that time, nor did I have a real desire to please God with my life. Yet, in his own mysterious, amazing way, he was always working in my life even when I didn't know it!
Praise God for who he is and for patiently waiting for his lost sheep to turn to him. With God's help I hope I'll live in full submission to him till I reach my heavenly, eternal home. :)
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3 comments:
Hey Sarah! It's great to see you're keeping this blog going.. and I enjoy reading ur encouraging posts :) Hope packing and the (sarong) partyss will go well.. am excited for you! :)
you know, i really wonder why everyone's so happy you're leaving they're having such elaborate preparations for your departure HAHAHA must be your everyday mean-ness!!
Is that why you want us to wear school uniforms on sat?
To relive the 'OMG I got a crush on this sec 4 guy' days?
But interestingly, I was reading old diary entries just yesterday too, so I totally identify with what you just said.
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